I Guess I Have a Blog Now

I’m sure hundreds of thousands of bloggers have started this way. “I have such a unique voice.” “My thoughts are so interesting.” “I’m good at grammar and spell-check is built in.”

But this time it’s different. I am truly going to post some amazing crap.

It’s not just going to be random info-dumps or thought-casts or picture-reports. Sure, I may veer from short fiction to politics to sociological theory to the NBA. I may eventually announce a book deal and place native ads for Warby Parker. But everything will be tied together through the power of a large picture of a sculpted cardinal’s head.

So I refuse to post interjections. (“Sigh.”) I refuse to give the impression of being a basement wallydraigle. (“Ugh.”) I will let my words sing. I will weave tendentious masterpieces and amusing pastiches out of the dregs of Western civilization and the film of global culture. I will brand the hell out of myself.

Coming up: Commentary on Conor Friedersdorf’s latest article in the Atlantic. It will be incredibly interesting.


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