I’ve got a fun project for the weekend! Let’s tackle the bedroom with crap.
I have a few ideas. First, we should stop recycling our issues of Modern Dog. Second, I’d like to gather our old catalogs and tear out only the pages that are slick enough to constantly fall out of a pile. Third, let’s save up our empty toilet paper rolls and just scatter them under the bed. Sound good?
Part of the problem is that we don’t have enough furniture. Not counting the bed, our available surface area is really limited. You’ve already covered your nightstand with a lamp, alarm clock, charging station, iPad, lushly illustrated trade paperbacks, a bluetooth speaker, tissue box, second alarm clock, broken iPod, reading light, and MacBook Pro. That’s a good start. I’ve also been eyeing a line of miniature ceramic Presidential candidates that would go well on top of your tissue box, but you’ll have to put the MacBook under the tissue box first. And leave a corner exposed for the cat to jump on.
Our dressers are actually in good shape. We’ve gathered a variety of small non-matching receptacles, with and without lids, and placed a mixture of incredibly valuable heirloom jewelry and safety pins in them. Check!
The bed’s another matter. We really need to work on the pillow situation. As is, we only have sleeping pillows, throw pillows, and accent pillows. I’d like to add some decorative bolsters, one of those large pillows that substitute for people, pillows with amusing sayings stitched on them (“Deal with it!”), pillows with adorable Yorkie-Poos stitched on them that can be hung on doorknobs (I hope the cat doesn’t mind!), and structural bolsters that support the decorative bolsters. I think it would really tie the room together in a softly cushioned way.
In terms of adding other furniture, I’ve changed my mind. I think we simply need to put a craft table at the base of the bed. It’ll be a good way to raise your Xbox games off the floor so that we can build more book ziggurats. Done and done!
As far as the walls: look, as much as I love your home-made tie-dyed sheets and screwed-in plastic crates, I think we need to fill in around them. Let’s put up pictures of more quirky dog breeds. You go to Pottery Barn and I’ll go to Target, and then we’ll switch the Goldendoodle and Puggle photos around so no one will notice they’re stock. I’d also like to hang that large railway station clock that we bought when we went to 1890s Paris. Oh, and have you ever seen a vertical garden? Here, I have a picture in one of the catalog sheet piles that just self-fluttered to the floor. I was thinking we could replace the mirror behind the door with this “GroVert Living Wall Planter With Mounting Bracket,” and then hang up the mirror behind your nightstand. That would really make the junk feel larger.
Whew! It’s a lot to do, but I think when it’s finished we’ll be happy with the feng shui, which is a Chinese term for “great mountain of floor shoes.” Then we can relax on our bolsters, watch each of our own TVs, and start thinking about the bathroom—I’ve got some great ideas involving French Bull Weiner bobbleheads. If you don’t think they’d freak out the cat.