9 Underused Cat Names

1. Mellifluous

Adorably euphonious (Euphonious: also underused).

2. Professor T-Bone

Intelligently threatening.

3. Sir Lady Prince Queen

Hits all the necessary cat-name buttons.

4. Starfriend Barnstormer

Loyal and heroic, like all cats.

5. Milfoil

Seems like a cat ought to be named this.

6. Dibbers

Were you going to sit here?

7. AT-AT

Imperial, militaristic, wobbly.

8. Mrs. Flipple Nicker

Perfectly and painfully connotative.

9. Hoary Marie

This one’s sort of self-explanatory.

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A note on “Struggles with Listicles:” Since listicles are destroying civilization, I’ve decided to contribute to its development as an art form. Like Homer’s epic poetry, this literary genre will define the impressions of our age for even dumber people three thousand years from now. Nos. 1-5 will appear over the next three days, and more will periodically follow. Enjoy! But not too much, or I’ll feel guilty.