Al Franken, Please Use Your Influence to Help My Tumblr

Dear Senatorial Al Franken, please use your political worknet to be boosting my Tumblr traffic. I think you will find that my Tumblr is exceeding funny, but also heart-warming and at time angry. I post many things related to politics and humor, which is right up your current alley of power, although you have abandoned the funny business to be kind of dull now. But know that I believe you are making a difference every day and taking names of billionaires you have to call back. Surely you can drop a bug in their ear but not in the NSA way? Just a casual forced mention of my very long URL would be suffice to me. I wish I had picked a shorter URL but was already taken by some other guy whose name is also Ben but has a real labradoodle fetish.

In case you have other interests besides personal amusement and political rolling logs (I have been a studious person of political science for many yearly online courses now), note that I am not just a two-trick camel. I post on many topics of interest to the nation’s elite, including but not mutually excluding: serious sports concussions, bacon trends, my lovable and annoying children, people who work for a living, and Tina Fey. One of my most popular series of internet pastes are reviews of the many places I briefly traveled to. I have endeavored and tried to make them both knowledge-filled and whimsical, like gnomes. Gnomes are much smarter than people who work for a living think.

In case you find yourself with limited time given all of your other duties to America, have no worry! I have created variable pictures and memes that are purely laughable and easy to eat and intestinally digest. They are also nice to share with your colleagues, who surely need humor in their life as much as your earnest existence does. I also write many short, pithiable lists that seem to have no purpose but really have a purpose. They are insidious like that but in a disturbing to forget way. You may, for example, enjoy my upcoming exploration of furniture-based baby names. I may keep “Sofa Chaise” to myself on that one.

So while I do not currently live in Montana which you represent, and have never lived there nor would ever want to because I do not like losing fingers to chompfrost and/or bears, I feel a kinship to your inspiring but sad trajectory from comedy to the Parliament. In fact, one day, I hope to run for President and announce it on my world-famous blog, because Tumblr is a bit of a wasteland and I can’t stay there forever. I believe I could do at least as good a job as Carly Fiorina, who I may write to next because we share similar technical skills relating to computers. But do not let the fact that I will write to a Republican dissuade you from endorsing me or giving to me your donor list. I in fact hate politicians of all stripes. That reminds me, I have Tumblr I need to write right now. Cheerios, Albert Franklin—you are the best!

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