The Preliminary Prime-Time Lineup on TRUMP TV

7:00 pm – Wheel of Misfortune

Former beauty queens, golf club employees, and casino waitresses compete to guess words that could be used to describe fat women or classes of minorities they don’t like, such as Hmong refugees or small-breasted sows. Participants take turns spinning a wheel that enables them to purchase blame.

7:30 pm – Jeopardee

The “Non-College Championship” continues with representatives from all the major oil-and-gas producing regions of off-shore Louisiana.

8:00 pm – Trump & Friend

Donald Trump and his close friend Rudy Giuliani (“America’s Actual Mayor”) discuss the issues of the day using megaphones, Hitler prop-mustaches, and Ben Carson-after-a-concussion impressions, which are largely the same as Ben Carson without a concussion, but in a surprisingly sleepy Scottish brogue.

9:00 pm – Maiming Hillary

From the producers of Bill O’Reilly’s acclaimed “Killing Reagan” (part of the “Killing Beloved People” series) comes a dramatic retelling of the events surrounding Hillary’s concussion and subsequent permanent demonic possession.

10:00 pm – Hannity After Midnight at 10

Join Sean Hannity, Steve Bannon, Roger Ailes, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, and special guest star Tyra Banks (promoting her new line of fashion footwear) as they all wonder what the hell Tyra Banks is doing on their show.

10:45 – 10:55 pm – Infomercial for Trump Dick, a Perfectly Legal® Personal Enhancement Product

“It Cures What Ailes Ya!”

Trump Dick is not legally authorized to sell to anyone in the United States or other member states of the OECD. Trump Dick is for entertainment only. Side effects will definitely include severe logorrhea, sudden thirst for ignorance, and inappropriate urges to fondle the artwork of Georgia O’Keeffe. Consult with your doctor if you experience a desire to buy this lasting more than two seconds. Note: Trump Dick is not for use on penises. Trump Dick is for use on your hands and/or tongue, enabling them to grab things firmly. But if it gets on your dick…well, then.

11:00 pm – Troubling Local News

Weather, sports, local interest, black criminality, on-air sexual harassment, Indian jokes, Indians-from-India jokes, consumer interest.

11:30 pm – The Tonight Show Revue with Mike Pence

Governor Pence employs a show of humor in order to emotionally process how and why he volunteered to be regularly embarrassed and ashamed by the destructive behavior of his repulsive boss. Guests: Paul Ryan, Reince Priebus. Also: Sarah Palin performs numbers from her new atonal hip-hop musical, “Lookin’ Pretty Good Now (The World Turned Upside Down).”

1:00 am – Access Hollywood (rerun).

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