Toilet.

2016: The Year That Was 2016

This year was unlike any other—just like every year is unlike any other. All the years are unique, really. I don’t even know why we say that.

But this year felt especially different. There were two major themes affecting our lives in 2016: first, Donald Trump. Second, YouTube videos of people making food. Have you seen one of those videos? Like where they make Batman and Robin cupcakes with brightly colored, precisely designed fondant logos at double-speed? Or the ones that show people making miniature versions of hamburgers or salads using miniature versions of skillets and spatulas? Those are popular in Japan. But…mostly Donald Trump.

It’s important to take stock of everything that happened during the year in order to achieve some closure and be prepared for 2017. As the saying goes: if we don’t remember the past, we’re doomed to forget it. So, without further ado, here were the top stories of 2016:

  • January: Ha-ha, Donald Trump!
  • February:  Really, Donald Trump?
  • March:  Geez, Donald Trump.
  • April:  Okay, Donald Trump.
  • May:  Can you believe Donald Trump?
  • June:  Whatever, Donald Trump.
  • July:  Sure, Donald Trump.
  • August:  The Olympics.
  • September:  Um…Donald Trump.
  • October:  Phew, looks like no Donald Trump.
  • November:  Holy moley—Donald Trump!
  • December:  Oh boy, Donald Trump.

If you are interested in the non-Trump storylines from this past year—if you’d rather not dwell on something stressful—here is another list:

  • January:  David Bowie died.
  • February:  Harper Lee died.
  • March:  Garry Shandling died.
  • April:  Prince died. Merle Haggard died.
  • May:  No one died!
  • June:  Muhammed Ali died.
  • July:  Elie Wiesel died.
  • August:  The Olympics. Also Gene Wilder died.
  • September:  Arnold Palmer died.
  • October:  Bob Dylan didn’t die, but he won the Nobel Prize for Literature. In other words, the Nobel Prize for Literature died.
  • November:  Leonard Cohen died.
  • December:  John Glenn died. George Michael died—on Christmas. Carrie Fisher died. A few days later, her mother, Debbie Reynolds, died.

But even though our tendency is to dwell on all of the negative news from 2016—yes, it felt like a Stephen King novel set in Bram Stoker’s copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein—it’s important to also remember that a lot of wonderful things happened this year—things we should celebrate! Here are the highlights:

  • The Olympics.

Yay! Olympics!

The next one is in four years.