Decorating Tips for Your Bubble

  1. Create tableaux of interesting objects as focal points for your rage.
  2. Use lighting to create dramatic effects such as demonizing your neighbor’s faces or blinding idiots you cannot stand.
  3. Put your display pieces front-and-center-and-in-the-way-of-leaving-your-bubble.
  4. Start with a simple color scheme, then layer accent colors over the windows to stop you from seeing things outside that might upset you, like happy birds or life-giving sunshine.
  5. Use mirrors to make rooms feel like infinitely repeating versions of yourself.
  6. Try stacking books horizontally, with their spines inward, to avoid potentially upsetting ideas.
  7. For a fresh look, rearrange your seating to face the walls.
  8. Use a hat to corral your electronic devices. Put your electronic devices in your hat, then put your hat on your head, quickly. Catch any electronic devices that fall out and check Facebook.
  9. Jazz up your kitchen with jazz.
  10. Use a combination of materials to add depth and interest to a room, since you will never be leaving this room.
  11. Trade wall-to-wall carpeting for area rugs that go all the way to the walls, just to fuck with people.
  12. Make sure your sitting areas have plenty of oversized pillows in contrasting patterns, to make it harder to see that your head is in them.
  13. With a little work, distressed furniture can be kicked and punched some more.
  14. Tackle bathrooms last, after you’ve tackled people you disagree with.
  15. Whatever you decide, do not hang anything on the walls. (It’s a bubble. It will pop.)